Winnipeg on November 28, 1995

It is nearly impossible to get to write home here. My ad-dress has become this public space were people address with their questions and try to get into talking to me. Of course it is sort of exciting to "visit the artist at home". While I am actually trying to get everything up and running I feel slightly disturbed by the fact that home is so public. You know, at home I leave the line connected to my answering machine and still feel committed to pick up since it could be the most important call coming in. Here it is even worse, I feel committed to be entertaining and nice. Then there is a photographer then this then that and you are so fragile in your mind. Fragile enough to spread your thoughts and just leave them like harvested leaves in the air, on the ground. And at some point I just give it up and leave the leaves of paper and the dead leaves and the whole world to itself...E-mail is so convenient to put people off sometimes (when it works). Strategy of refusal: "No sorry, I don't have an address I live in my dress but I can give you my e-mail address ( I can't though give you my dress)". Without being impolite. And indeed I enjoy getting letters and writing back. Pleasure. Talking, for me, slowly more and more feels like gone with the wind. Of course an immediate conversation can be amusing, inspiring, nice. Today there was this woman who saw my web site and said: I am thinking of the scarlet letter when I see this @-sign. So she had of course to tell me all about this scarlet letter that this woman had to wear in the 17th century and of course I have to get this book and read it... Getting to know her might be just as important as searching for Babata or Sisyphus widow. What do you think. Here besides the small problems that I have with getting organized, this place is comfortable. I feel happier than else were right now and as soon as I figure out all the things to do I'll be happy and creatively writing. Ad-dressing your own thoughts always have something very strange and some people might seen think of it being something like self absorbed. And self absorbency is one of the most important skills in art because I feel that it is necessary to always get the world in relation to yourself to try and understand it and or begreifen it. I really would like to introduce this word into English but maybe as long as I can't I call it comprehending or understanding. Most people might say that self-absorbency is something negative, and indeed it can be very unhealthy because you might fell very lonely after a while. Especially in our society l;loneliness is something so common and again in German there is a fabulous word for it is Zweisamkeit _ Duo-lonely-ness. Of course everybody thinks of Zwei-sam-keit as something very nice. being a couple being together in happy togetherness. But what if you are lonely with your partner, what if your partner is self absorbed and simply married with his/her work. Then you might feel duo-loneliness or doubled solitude, loneliness and maybe duo-solitude. As long as people are happy together...