Berlin, January 26, 1996

Berlin, January 26, 1996

This photo shoot took the rest of my evening. They styled me for three hours, which was not really visible but these women were really nice to me. They made my nails, cut my hair, made up my face, they did my eyebrows and after three hours of getting champagne and talking about my work, often interrupted by, sentences such as: look up, down, open your mouth and so forth the make up was finished. There were no mirrors on the walls so I went through this whole beauty machinery without really being able to control my image. I get really weak when women are taking care of me so nicely, I just relax, close my eyes, sit in Yoga position and talk or am silent. At some point I had to stop them and said that one should still be able to recognize me, suddenly having a flash reminding me of these "before and after" pages or the "how do I find my type" thing. But I enjoyed almost every moment of this beauty procedure, it was so tempting, once I realized that I should skip the idea of being able to continue working last night. I am really glad though, that I am not a model and that I don't have to do this every day. I was actually quite sad for them, most of them were 17 or so and when I think of it, that was one my best times. And these models---16 and suddenly a big part of your life is being a beauty. Everyone admires your legs, your butt, your flesh. No one wants to hear what you're thinking about, and people are convinced by you're pure physical presence, you have to work so hard that someone listens to you because a lot of people think: she's pretty, she must be stupid (maybe a form of surpressed jealousy, it would be unbearable if someone's beautiful and intelligent). Fortunately it's not that drastic anymore, I hope, but the reduction of you're form of "being" that you experience as model must be difficult.

It is now 1:54 am and I have at least a couple of hours of work to do still. I did a little meditation after coming "home" from a dinner. Actually it was nice to listen to people talking there, although what they were talking about was boring to me. There voices like data stream, passing by, untouching. I was not really able to speak and a little unquiet because there were so many things floating in my head, but listening was nice and I was drawing a glass of wine, which I enjoyed very much. I think I even forgot about drinking it, I can't remember, it is not so important, I remember having a sip and the line that I was drawing on had shifted. I really thought that it was kind of logical and still I was surprised. I haven't made a drawing from nature since a day after my birthday. I was really a little timid dealing with the pencil again.

I continued to virtually talk with Italy:

continued from yesterday

3. Although you come from Berlin, I knew your work from American art magazines. Do you think it's easier to work as an artist woman in USA?

How come I am answering this question at 2:26 am. I am probably going to be a little more courageous:
It is not easier, I think it is more difficult. To work internationally you have to sacrifice a lot of commodities. Of course once you get the "quality tag" it is a little easier. But there is so much competition in New York that you always have to be "present" in one way or the other way. Also you have to always get funding for traveling, transportation, phone bills, equipment, etc. It is really a lot more of an effort to work internationally. I think it doesn't make much of a difference whether I am a man or a woman in that case. One of the reasons why my work is more respected in the US is because I've been showing in New York, which is a center for visual arts. In Germany some people may have had difficulties to categorize the things that I am doing and therefore people waited for official recognition before they offered me interesting shows and wrote better articles about me. Anyway, there are plenty of reasons why things are like they are."Things are things"

I am sorry Silvia, I am tired and we have to continue later.

Fortsetzung folgt...to be continued tomorrow