Berlin, January 2, 1996

I have a big headache from drinking too much and my shoulder and left side is bruised. But it was a fantastic party yesterday, the day after New Year's. Also the performance went really well since everybody was less nervous and more delighted to play and the audience was fabulous for a first night after New Years Eve. ...First I ended with Diana in a corner lifting her and doing some exercise for my muscles in the arms, but my 9,5 cm heels and by then alcoholic body wouldn't carry her, so I lost balance and we fell (she was unexpectedly heavy also probably because she lost tension in her body as well as me cause of the amount of champagne that we had consumed until then). For some time after almost everyone was gone except 8 people, (the hard cores) the situation seemed to escalate in many different ways. I danced alone for some time using the whole stage and tried pirouettes until I fell after 15 rounds in pirouettes through the entire space clasping with Albert and Gabi who I had overseen or wanted to ignore. (the test if you're really drunk). Albert and Peter started to talk Hungarian which I found completely unerotic, because no one could understand. I started to pick up the sounds and talked Hungarian gibberish throwing some Yiddish in between. The three of us started to fight, which lived from the tension of me not knowing whether they were really talking and saying mean things to me or even whether they could understand each other or not. I got completely furious, very much to the amusement of the others showing my nails and teeth and threatening screaming emotional Hungarian gibberish. I am so much in my role of being jealously watching what Albert does during the piece that it is not easy to let go of it and get rid of my habits. And late as sort of the finale of the evening Stephan and I performed a special number at around 4 in the morning. He grabbed me, dragged me over the floor, threw me on and over the tables while I beat the shit out of him with a plastic rose bouquet, he threw me over his shoulders and danced a solo with me on his back until I made a handstand and kicked him away with my feet, rolling over in a wheel, while he used the energy and pulled over my heels and jumped towards the benches. The rest of the party was so scared and laughing at the same time sitting in the auditorium which even encouraged us more and made us being even wilder (when Stephan and I dance it is mostly dangerous and slapstick mixed with swelling aggression, he and I are just a waist of energy when it comes to perform.) It is amazing what kind of energy we pick up by an audience and the partner. Things that are really dangerous aren't anymore because you just don't consider danger or possible pain. So you fall better and do things that you usually aren't and sometimes it's really risky, my blue arm is the bill. ...