Berlin, December 24, 1995

At least I seem to survive this holiday like a decease, a little shocked but still half able to function and not fully handicapped. Probably it is the best if I close the curtains, lock the door and pull the blanket over my head so that Santa Clause can oversee me. I have still the cookies from my Mam so I don't need to go shopping. Whether it is Sunday or anything should I get up and clean the windows? That would be too depressing. Should I clean the dishes that are piling up in the sink? It is X-mas and I am not prepared. So some Catholic guilt is rising. I will have to go out today to at least rehearse for three hours (reduced X-mas body program). I should work and at least write two letters. One for Winnipeg and one more official. OK, let's reduce it to the one for Winnipeg. If I could somehow avoid that daylight is coming in here. It is so bright. A white Christmas with real snow. The streets are dead. Let's face it, I don't believe very much but it could be beautiful to see a Christmas tree and to go hear the Christmas Oratorium by Bach...

We ended up going to the hospital because he had broke his toe hiding a Christmas present. We ate a Christmessy colored salad with green spinach, red peppers and white goat cheese. I ended up going to hear the Christmas Oratorium by Bach and saw a Christmas tree...

At least I survived the day without any major depression.