Berlin, December 20, 1995

When I was a little girl, I used to write at least once a week to my friend P.. I still know his last name and his exact address. He once called 8 years ago and asked: High I don't know if you know me but am I right? I cut in his words and said I don't know if you are right but you are P. Peters Mattenstrasse 4 in 78 Freiburg. He was completely shocked. I said it is only 10 years ago since we stopped writing. And this is funny because I only met him once on a New Years night twenty years ago and we talked and watched the stars and wrote each other for the following two years. I felt very grown up because he must have been 24 and I was proudly 10. He gave me an introduction in Philosophy but I already was pretty sure what Philosophy is. I remember thinking that Philosophy is confusing because it questioned my believe system.

My father once took me aside, when I was I think 7 or 8 years old and showed me something that scattered my self security. I was pretty secure at that time, that what my teachers said must be right and worth it to believe. I don't know what I've told at home that my teacher had said and fought for my/his statement in a discussion with my father. My father didn't accept and said: "See your little dress, what color does it have?"
"I said I wouldn't need to see it, I already know it's red."
My father was almost furious responding: "That's stupid. I think you should think twice. Are you sure it is red? Look what happens now." He switched the light off and it was dark. Certainly my dress wasn't red anymore.
He asked me "What's color now?"
"This is a mean trick. It's gray or black now but you now why. I can't see it."
"Well what is it right now, would you say the dress is black?"
"No," I said, "it depends were I am. If I can't see it I have to believe what I remember. At night all cats are gray."
"See it depends were you are how you can see things and know things and sometimes the teacher even though he is your teacher might not necessarily be wrong but just be in another place and therefore say things that are not right for you."

Later much later I realized what he meant to tell me. So but in meanwhile Peter Peters was this second introduction in world- viewing more from an astrological point of view. He told me the story of Galilei and introduced me to his destiny of knowing something that was right, because he proofed it and it not being right to know because it would have changed peoples' perspective and the power of the church.

At the moment I suffer. This whole Christmas and New Year cramp is getting on my nerves...