Berlin, December 16, 1995

It is Saturday at 11:27 pm and I just came from a pretty distressing rehearsal at the theater. The bathroom smells like a field of lavender, and it is filled with hot water waiting for me. Tired, exhausted and a little frustrated I am ending my day. There are times when writing is just to complicated. You would like to plug into something that immediately translates all your thoughts in writing and you could lay down and read it again and think twice over it. My hand rushes over the keyboard and meanwhile I took a bath and relaxed for a while. As soon as I close my eyes and think everything looks so much better, I have lust to write and tell everyone how nice it is. As soon as I start writing I have to open my eyes and see and I don't have lust to think and see anymore. I think I better close my eyes or bury them in a book.